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TezMillerOz

TezMillerOz

Apology 101

Long rant, probably nonsensical.

 

 

I'm pretty sure an Apology 101 class is needed, because time and time again fauxpologies are more numerous than actual apologies.

 

But maybe I'm just cynical.

 

So overnight, an apology was posted on Tumblr. Only it wasn't an apology. It was an explanation for why they did what they did. It consisted of:

 

-"I never asked to be a celebrity"-like stuff

-Blaming the con for not making it clear what the panel was about & why she was invited to partake

-"If my characters lack diversity I'll be blamed, and my characters are diverse I'll be blamed for not getting them right"-like stuff

-Does not seem to have the words "I'm sorry". (There was an "I apologise in advance" note, but the content of the post should have been apologising, not justifying.)

 

She does seem very focused on the celebrity stuff. She often talks about how celebrities should be treated like people (even though she herself failed to do that when she @'d a celebrity recently). About how white, cishet, bestselling authors get so much shit in their inboxes. I don't doubt that that happens. But the agenda seems very self-centred. Would she care about celebrities if she wasn't one? (She sees herself as a celebrity. I don't see her as one.) She blocked a WOC friend recently, yet her friends are praising her for not deleting her Twitter account or "hiding".

 

She's very active of Tumblr, answering all the Asks (and just gives joke answers for some of them, which is a waste of time but whatevs), but then complains that people are demanding things of her.

 

As for Twitter, I don't know if she actually meant to @ the musician or if that was just an accident. Stuff about how the author's fans are saying "headcannon" stuff about the music, or... Yeah, I just don't know.

 

The author has a history of problematic behaviour, dating back to at least 2012. How many chances should we give someone? I'd like to believe that she's listening and learning, but I really don't know if she is. After all, apologising is one thing, but putting into practice what you've learned can be another thing entirely.

 

I do believe that she means well (does anyone intentionally want to muck things up?), but she seems more concerned with how her words and actions affect her, rather than how her words and actions affect others. Yes, we all have a measure of self-preservation and self-care. But making the same mistakes repeatedly shows that learning and progress is not being made.

Ordinarily, I wouldn't get so close following this stuff, but it always matters more to me if I actually read and enjoy the author's books. Which, in this case, I do. But it's becoming increasingly difficult to separate authors from their works. I wish I could. I know the answer is just to stop following their social media and just read their books, but I have Fear Of Missing Out and I hate being left out of the loop. With knowledge of what goes on, I can make informed decisions. I'd rather be informed than ignorant.

 

I do think the author would be better off closing her Tumblr's Ask box. Can still keep her Tumblr and post to it, but without getting bombarded by her fans telling her about their "headcannons", or whatever. But I don't think she's looking for advice - just platitudes and praise. She obviously comes across as approachable to her superfans, but I think it's quite the opposite to everyone else.

 

I've seen people say that publishing is like Mean Girls. All the name-dropping, and cliques, and inside jokes. Social media can be a blessing to authors' careers, but it can often have the opposite effect. All depends on how it's used.

 

Anyway, just needed a place to dump my thoughts so I can move on.

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